Rancorous Heart

Mine is a mind that is tired all the time It gets harder to find a good time to unwind Back to work, I guess that's fine..? Try to stay focused, put my head down We can't all be kings, we can't all fit the crown Flood that silence out with sounds For a moment I'm grateful, haughty and proud And then I'll see someone that's similar to me But fitter and more nicely lit Instantly up floods the blood spitting spite and I feel my self worth shot to shit Admit it's a sin, else it's hard to repent You can't rape the willing, I give you consent! Fire and blood's a stifling scent.. Squandering passion has left me bereft Exhausted and spent - there's no fight in me left Should I lay down and wait for death? Am I self-absorbed, or just self obsessed? Give me the spotlight and I'll hide in the wings It's not even clear what I want Tell friends that I'm quitting for the millionth time Get mad when they act nonchalant Everyone fakes that they're doing so great No-one's admitting it's hard Well, I can fake a half-smile use big words and act smart But I can't fake not having an awful, rancorous heart Further on down I can feel in my core that there's something important amiss And you'd think I should know that I shouldn't compare and just fuckin get on with it Give me the spotlight and I'll hide in the wings. Tell me to sit and I'll fly I look like an old man and I act like a kid And I live like I'm ready to die No-one improves from feeling content. We risk it and pull it apart I can half-fake politeness and witty remarks But I can't fake not owning a caring, yet rancorous heart