How Do I Dial It Down?

Feel the sting - dark eyes alight with fascination Suffering in pure bliss Deep within the stygian depths of my elation I ache. I'm so sore. Like a part of me was murdered. Or brought back to life. Creeping in, it overwhelms when I don't want it Ruining my whole day Distracting me, the fevered guilt of not achieving anything for so long Posing as a conqueror, a degenerate in disguise Why do I want to disappoint you? And sabotage myself? How can I resist those scolding eyes? How could I dial it down? Why should I dial it down? Or do I open it up to let you claw inside? Writhing in the joy of my exquisite torment Confronting it head on. Milking it, forget to breathe. Have I been broken? Or repaired? I want punish you for ever believing in me Existing somewhere between a deadbeat and a God Forever trapped, and forever free Am I not worthy enough? Do I not want it enough? Am I not broken enough to let you rip inside? I could let you try, I'm just terrified of gagging on my pride and opening my eyes.