[funnythings]

A ​garage ​sale ​for ​the ​deceased? ​Yes ​it’s ​a ​thing! ​I ​went ​to ​one ​with ​my ​cousin ​Dake. ​You ​go inside ​the ​home ​of ​someone ​who ​died ​recently ​to ​buy ​their ​things. ​Maybe ​the ​family ​wants ​to rid ​their ​memories, ​or ​maybe ​it’s ​to ​cover ​funeral ​costs? ​Well, ​there ​I ​was ​inside ​this ​house, just ​rummaging ​through ​random ​crap. ​A ​couple ​of ​things ​I ​found ​include ​a ​wig, ​and ​a ​painting of ​a ​dog ​that ​smokes ​a ​cigarette. ​But ​in ​the ​kitchen, ​see ​that’s ​where ​this ​thing ​I ​found ​was that ​I ​want ​to ​tell ​you ​about. What ​first ​looked ​not ​like ​anything ​soon ​revealed ​themselves ​behind ​the ​tuna ​tins. ​Had ​I ​just found ​a ​cupboard ​of ​funnythings?? And ​so ​I ​called ​out ​to ​Dake, ​“You ​gotta ​see ​this!”. ​He ​came ​in ​all ​eager-faced. “What ​if ​you ​suddenly ​thought ​of ​everything ​that’s ​made ​you ​laugh, ​but ​all ​at ​once?” He ​looked ​at ​me ​much ​like ​you ​would ​if ​someone ​told ​you ​something ​just ​as ​cooked ​as ​that. He ​said ​“yeah, ​I ​think ​it’s ​time ​for ​us ​to ​go ​now. ​Grab ​your ​things.” “Oh ​no ​we’re ​not! ​We ​are ​not ​leaving ​here ​until ​you ​try ​this ​‘Cupboard ​of ​Funnythings’” “Is ​that ​what ​we’re ​calling ​it ​now?” “Yes. ​That ​is ​the ​official ​name ​that ​I’m ​giving ​it. ​So, ​when ​the ​cupboard’s ​open ​wide, ​then ​I guess ​all ​the ​funnythings ​inside ​escape ​and ​nest ​behind ​your ​eyes. ​Does ​that ​sound ​nice?” Dake ​opened ​it, ​then ​looked ​at ​me, ​then ​began ​to ​laugh maniacally! I ​held ​his ​face ​and ​said “You ​see? ​Funnythings!!” We ​sat ​there ​for ​most ​of ​the ​day ​taking ​turns, ​laughing ​away.... ​You ​know ​I’d ​laugh ​so ​hard ​I thought ​that ​I ​would ​crack ​in ​half ​and ​split ​my ​sides. ​I ​took ​a ​breath ​and ​looked ​over ​at ​Dake, and ​he ​was ​in ​a ​similar ​state. ​But ​it ​got ​hard ​to ​wait ​my ​turn ​in ​line. ​Dake ​was ​taking ​too ​much time ​and ​so ​we ​squabbled ​over ​who’s ​go ​it ​was. ​I ​said ​“You ​can’t ​be ​serious! ​Get ​out ​the ​way” ​I shoved ​him ​& ​as ​I ​did, ​Dake ​completely ​lost ​his ​shit. ​He ​snatched ​the ​door ​and ​accidentally coughed ​and ​the ​cupboard ​door ​just ​broke ​clean ​off. ​Our ​bodies ​shook ​from ​toe ​to ​top. ​Would it ​re-attach? ​No, ​it ​would ​not! ​And ​the ​funnythings? ​They ​wouldn’t ​stop.... *musical ​representation ​of ​incessant, ​relentless ​funny ​thoughts* And ​so ​we ​scrambled ​out ​of ​there. ​We ​left ​the ​house ​and ​ran ​away ​into ​a ​lane. ​We ​hopped some ​fences, ​tried ​to ​get ​back ​to ​my ​house ​as ​fast ​as ​we ​could ​go. ​The ​whole ​time, ​we ​were screaming, ​laughing, ​howling ​so ​damn ​much ​that ​I ​think ​I ​broke ​a ​rib. ​My ​neighbour ​was ​in ​his front ​yard ​hosing ​his ​driveway ​when ​he ​saw ​us ​running ​in. ​He ​said ​“Hey ​boys, ​you ​seem excited! ​Tell ​me, ​what ​you ​doing? ​Where ​you ​been?” ​We ​gasped ​and ​tried ​to ​say ​that ​we ​were at ​the ​garage ​sale ​up ​on ​the ​other ​side ​of ​town. ​He ​said ​“Oh ​I ​heard ​the ​guy ​that ​lived ​there died. ​They ​found ​him ​with ​his ​throat ​all ​dried ​curled ​up ​at ​his ​cupboard ​I... ​I ​think ​that’s ​right.” Will ​we ​die ​of ​funnythings? Will ​someone ​cease ​the ​funnythings? Endless, ​constant ​funnythings.... Funnythings.