The Lighter Side of Global Terrorism

Can I touch you here? May I search your bags? You have randomly been selected Got a funny name and you look the part Plus, I like the way You bulge in your clothes Yehhhh I love my job Rock bottom pay never felt so hot Big man, uniform and badge Pedophile Santas ain't got nothin' on me I love to feel sexy things Other people's sexy things I love to peek at people's things Other people's private things When I was young and someone's guest I'd find a way to sneak upstairs Peek in the closet, paw through the drawers And feel a tingle up from below Oh, how I love to find New playthings for my mind I file these thoughts away Until I go on break When I can finally touch myself See your shiny jewels On your neck and wrists They could be weapons We must play safe So fork 'em over, Or you're under arrest Maybe you should have checked them In your suitcase Meanwhile, down below What have we here? Let's open this one up Pills! Cash! Electronics to fence Let's see you prove they were there In the first place Who is that behind The one way mirror blind Just little ol' me And my non-dairy creme Gotta wipe it up and go select Someone new Wooo!