Nethermost

Feeling down, crashing down Longing for maybe something Living in lack of ecstasy No pure air to breathe in Lonely again with these thoughts Alone again coughing the knot Slip down, halo. Strangle me to the border Slip down, halo. Make me forever Pure naught, enduring pain Sacrificial time, unpleasing outcomes Aside from the pain within Another form, stillborn and grim The grief was too insane A cry so loud, words to blame Turn back the time so I could withdraw Turn back the time, with my blood I'll draw Pieces of lost times with my crying eyes Should I die again to prove that I'm sane? You betrayed me again. This time enhanced the pain I'm too old to feel like this Would rest grant me bliss? Never belonging, exiled by force Not able to explain, with no one No home to come back to Years of wasted thoughts, of unfathomable anxiety Of depressive episodes, for nothing in the end Eyes closed, life screaming, bring the pain back, I can't stand this bed, all the things you said I'm lower that I've ever been A pistol and head on green I wish I had done it all, so I wouldn't know you all Forces knocking my will to the ground Never being safe and sound Only paranoia lingering In a corner, death smiling Still at the bottom level, reaching aimlessly For lower, and lower, and lower If the ground is too hard, I will go deep in my arms, Always for the low, the low, the low I shall eat all my nails until the wound is complete, And dig again, dig again Until the pain becomes bearable Because I am one with it, one with the pain Soil is burnt, crawl in ashes, Vomit what one inhales, slowly wither Defiled insides, by others of the self Meanings are surely lies, all truths useless How can one plant such a seed in the mind of another Let it grow, destroying tree Your putrid wood is my lover It all burns, mother, it all burns so deep that I wish No one other than me would feel this It hurts, mother, it hurts so much that any headache Would be welcome, let alone self pain I feel nothing ended Like the disease lingers. Still deep inside And every breath I take is with poison It all burns, mother, it all burns so deep that I wish No one other than me would feel this It hurts, mother, it hurts so much that any headache Would be welcome, let alone self pain So violent and no movement The reach is impossible, hands held in the sky For no one to grab There is no one Apart from the perpetrator And myself And my deep self Follows it Blindly