Letter to God: Broken Cleansing Part 2

I'm not a prophet I'm not a scribe This is the only way to connect With the only source of everything The only true living God Jehovah Jireh What if I didn't know I was dying As time takes away the seconds That I've been graced to survive with What if every breath and every moment was Never something that I'd ever question What if I was not self aware of my own existence Or morality Or mortality What if I jumped off a bridge Just to end the madness What if I took my own life Just to do away with the sadness What if you were hearing my every word I believe that maybe you are Somewhere beyond the void Beyond the last Beyond he gates of Enoch's place Beyond the way that Christ walked Above the grave What if I tried to do good But it always comes down with my flesh Evil incessantly sinful I'm human and I must confess Why do I want to transgress Against your holy laws If I know that the punishment is death Death in the grave Death in the blaze Eternally rotting and burning Why do I still not understand The fire I'm in And I'm learning the lessons I'm learning the lessons Not learning the lessons Not learning Is it a breakdown of communication Or should I just not speak Should I just open my ears and shut up And just listen to what you must say Why is it with every breath that I take I just fuck it all up in the blaze Why are you still here Letting me live my life this way Why do I fuck it all up When my best of intentions Are my own worst days Why can't I preach the life to the masses Each time I just make it all worse How come this life is just futile When it all ends in a hearse Do you even care when I cry in my sleep At the sight over the fact that I lost her Steady I'm falling beyond the universe Waiting you're calling Between the lines and the verse I told you I'd serve your ways But I'd betrayed Everything real to me A source of your shame Study I'm falling Into the universe Past the peace I felt only consumed with hurt Cut now I realize That life is just made of pain Need you to save me For I have nothing to gain I look at my hands And I start to think What if I was a created being It goes beyond me Intelligent design We must have came from something Beyond my mind Divine created by something I could never perceive in this lens of life What if the flesh is the prison I'm sinking in What if the fire is the world I'm living in I wonder sometimes Hard to just ponder sometimes How is this life so fucked up yet so benign So many good people go So many bad get ahead The world seems peaceful at times And other times it's only dread But then I talk to you at night And in the cold quiet mornings in my mind I whisper a faint prayer And for some reason I still believe you're there I still believe